Divorce After Rehab: Should I Stay or Should I Go
Being in love with someone who has an addiction is never easy. When they are living an addictive lifestyle, you are constantly worried about them. You wonder when the next bad thing is going to happen. With all these worries, you may lose sleep and develop health issues of your own. Many spouses of addicts often develop chronic headaches, stomach issues, depression or anxiety. When married to an addict, all you ever want is for them to get treatment. So, what happens after they finally get help, and you just can’t forgive the things they have done or trust them again?
Have you tried setting boundaries?
If you are considering divorcing your spouse after they have gotten out of rehab, one of the things you may want to consider is whether you have tried setting boundaries. It is important to let your spouse know what expectations you have and yes, you have a right to your expectations. Some recovering addicts try to convince their spouse that since they are in recovery, everything should be fine. If you expect them to have a recovery plan and work it, let them know. If you expect them to let you know where they are going, within reason, talk with your spouse about this. If you don’t set boundaries and let your spouse know what they are, they can’t be expected to meet them. If you have tried setting boundaries and your spouse won’t stick to them, you may want to call it quits.
Have you tried going to support groups?
Getting a divorce after your spouse gets home from rehab might need to be done. If you are thinking about taking this action, you may want to consider going to support groups first, if you haven’t done so already. Sometimes the spouse of a recovering addict needs support as well. You may have thought that when your spouse got clean and sober everything would be back to normal. However, there are still many changes taking place and you might have a lot of built up emotions from when they were using. You can go to support groups on your own or even with your spouse. If the support groups don’t help while your spouse is in aftercare, divorce might be the choice you need to make.
Are they giving you time to forgive or heal?
When your spouse gets into recovery from their addiction, you do deserve time to heal. If they try telling you anything otherwise, this is on them. You should take all the time you need to forgive or heal from their previous actions and behaviors. As a partner in the relationship, you need to recover just as much as they do. Most people who live an addictive lifestyle often don’t treat their spouse with as much respect as they deserve. Ask your spouse, after they get out of the treatment center, for some time to heal from their actions and to forgive them. If they aren’t willing to give you the time to do this or aren’t respectful of your right to heal, this may mean the end of the relationship.
Do you think you can ever trust your spouse again?
When thinking about the future with your spouse, do you think you can ever trust them again? Do you trust them when they tell you where they are going or what they are doing? Do you feel they you can trust them with your secrets or emotions? Yes, it may take some time to trust your spouse again when they get home from the treatment program. However, if you feel after some time, there will never be trust in the relationship again, divorce may be a decision you lean more toward.
Is your spouse relapsing?
If you are thinking about divorcing your spouse after they are out of rehab, one of the reasons might be because they are relapsing. You had high hopes that once they got addiction treatment and therapy, they would be better. They would heal and overcome their addiction. Well, the truth is, rehab doesn’t save everyone from addiction. It is all about whether they continue to work the recovery program when they go home. If they don’t, they may continue to relapse and that may be what is going on with your spouse. This can be scary and keep putting you through stressful times.
You wanted your spouse to get into addiction treatment during their entire addictive lifestyle. Since the time you knew they were abusing drugs or alcohol until the time they got help, you only wanted them to get help. Now that they have gotten treatment and finished a rehab center program, they are in aftercare. Why don’t you feel any better? Why are you considering divorce as an option? Well, believe it or not, many relationships don’t make it, even after the addict has gotten treatment. Sometimes even after a rehab stay, the recovering addict continues to relapse. Some recovering addicts don’t work a recovery program and may still display addictive behaviors. If these things are happening, you may not feel the relationship can last and may be considering a divorce. However, with some hope, the tips above might be able to help you make a decision about whether you should stay in the relationship or get a divorce.
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