I have been struggling with depression off and on during my life. It’s plagued me since I was young, and still visits regularly. Prior to my addiction, I got badly hurt. Nearly no one around me seemed to care, and fewer offered to help when I couldn’t function. The doctor was kind to me, but he was the only one. Everyone else who had called themselves friends before then, just disappeared. I felt as though I was seeing their true colors, and spiraled downwards faster than I could catch myself.
I Started Struggling with Depression in Every Facet of My Life
Instead of simply using the pain pills for pain, I used them to sleep. I was struggling with depression so badly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to wake up sometimes. My husband was the only person who was there to help me, but he could only do so much. He had to work and take care of the house. My boss didn’t ask how I was doing, just when I would be back to get my work done. I didn’t care if I ever worked again at that point.
My pills went from 3-4 a day, like I was supposed to take, up to nearly 20 a day at some points. How I survived, I’m not sure. I do know that my husband coming home and not being able to wake me up scared us both. It was a turning point, and I had a choice to make. That day, I asked him to help me get into rehab. He was as supportive as possible through the entire thing, but I couldn’t see it at the time. I saw him as doing what he should be doing. I still feel guilty for how much I took him for granted.
Moving On from My Struggle
About halfway through rehab, I noticed that I was struggling with addiction less than I was earlier. It wasn’t something I was sure of, so I didn’t say anything. It was just a change in how I felt. When my husband came to visit me, he said something about it, too. That helped me feel better. As each day went on, I got a bit stronger than the day before. By the time I went home, I was feeling like the old me that I missed. Since that day, I have worked hard to make sure my husband knows how much I appreciate him. His efforts were all that helped me overcome this struggle in my life.