Alcohol does not ease the pain and stresses of daily life, as much as I thought otherwise for a long, long time. I lost my job at 32, my daughter left me to live with her father, my boyfriend of 6 years left me for a prettier woman, and my depression became overwhelming. I did not want to deal with life. My choice of medication was booze. It started off as a couple glasses of wine to take the edge off. Then I started day-drinking by myself. Relaxing at the end of a long day came to mean beers or Jack on the rocks. I didn’t know that my depression refused to fade because the booze made it worse. I thought drinking was just allowing me to cope until it passed.
Alcohol Does Not Ease Tension
When my daughter left, we fought. It came down to the fact that I didn’t want to see her leave like everyone else. I was not as open and honest about that as I should have been. We left each other with an unbelievable tension in the air. I tried drinking the pain away, somehow rationalizing when I was better that she would come back. I didn’t see that alcohol does not ease tension, but instead makes it worse. I did not see that I wasn’t getting any better drinking my days away. All that was happening was the elongation of my pain and loneliness.
I stopped applying for jobs and trying to meet people. I more or less because a hermit within my own house. There was enough money in the bank from saving over the years to get me by for a while, so I more or less quit life for a time.
I Needed to Heal
It took me longer than I would care to admit to realize just how badly I needed to heal. I needed to get better or no one was ever going to come back into my life, love me, or even hire me. There is a luxury rehab close to my parent’s house, so with a little help from them, I checked myself in. I couldn’t get sober on my own, but I knew that with the right pressure, I could be my best self. It took a few months of sobriety for my daughter to call me, but within a few months, we started rebuilding our relationship. It was all I wanted, and this was my chance. The day she told me that she was proud of me remains the happiest day of my life.